Will Ferrell, this past weekend, got a chance to pitch in the 6th inning for the Round Rock Express, Triple AAA baseball team in Nashville. Ferrell wore a mustach and "played" a Venezuelan baseball player named Billy Ray "Rojo" Johnson who was just released from prison for having an illegal reptile farm, or something like that haha. Ferrell brought out beer, and had one pitch before things got out of hand. I thought the whole scenario was pretty funny. Somehow I got a bad feeling Ferrell will turn this character into another bad sports movie from him.
Kofod
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
JaMarcus Russell The Ultimate NFL Draft Bust
With the release of JaMarcus Russell by the Oakland Raiders, after just three years with the team, you can make the case, as I would, that Russell goes down as the biggest bust in NFL history. Looking back at the video when he was drafted #1 in 2007 it's funny to hear what the ESPN people say about Russell, especially Mel Kiper Jr.
Mel Kiper Jr. "JaMarucs Russell is gonna immediately energize that Raider Nation, that fan base, that football team on the practice field, in the locker room. 3 years from now you could be looking at a guy who's certainly one of the elite top 5 quarterbacks in this league."
Kofod
Mel Kiper Jr. "JaMarucs Russell is gonna immediately energize that Raider Nation, that fan base, that football team on the practice field, in the locker room. 3 years from now you could be looking at a guy who's certainly one of the elite top 5 quarterbacks in this league."
Kofod
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Music Video of the Week May 6th
For this week's music video of the week I have chosen two sports music videos that have brought some controversy this week.
The first video is called WAKA WAKA-This Time For Africa by Shakira. It is the official song of the 2010 World Cup. The song has been played on the radio all throughout South Africa, and many South Africans have said they hate it, and that it should be replaced. I agree that it's not the greatest song, but it's a theme song to the World Cup so who really cares?
The second music video is called We Are ND created by Notre Dame students. While the music video does have former Notre Dame football star (and current co-host of Mike and Mike) Mike Golic, and current Notre Dame head football coach Brian Kelly it is being ripped by Notre Dame fans for being so corny and bad sounding. While I don't think the Shakira song isn't great it's 100 times better than this piece of crap. It is gawd awful.
Kofod
The first video is called WAKA WAKA-This Time For Africa by Shakira. It is the official song of the 2010 World Cup. The song has been played on the radio all throughout South Africa, and many South Africans have said they hate it, and that it should be replaced. I agree that it's not the greatest song, but it's a theme song to the World Cup so who really cares?
The second music video is called We Are ND created by Notre Dame students. While the music video does have former Notre Dame football star (and current co-host of Mike and Mike) Mike Golic, and current Notre Dame head football coach Brian Kelly it is being ripped by Notre Dame fans for being so corny and bad sounding. While I don't think the Shakira song isn't great it's 100 times better than this piece of crap. It is gawd awful.
Kofod
Monday, May 3, 2010
The latest NFL Draft Diary ever
I know it took a few weeks, but I have a job.
Kofod, Hung-Low, Smoothy Smith and myself all watched the draft together and this is a collection of our thoughts during the first round.
7:33 - NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell steps to the podium. Kofod comments that Keyshawn Johnson and Cris Carter are both not present. I comment that Goodell must have suspended them from the draft for being horrible analysts.
7:36 - Sam Bradford is on the phone. It's on. Bradford to Rams, no surprise there. I'm not a huge Bradford fan though. Seems like a good guy, but shoulder problems usually spell disaster unless you are Drew Brees.
7:42 - Kofod: "How funny would it be if Detroit took Dez Bryant. If Matt Millen was there they would." Probably true, but now Millen is working at ESPN where he can no longer beat Lions fans over the head with bad moves and losing records.
7:43 - Ndamukong Suh is on the phone, he is going to Detroit. (After it was all said and done I liked what the Lions did. They will win six games this year including one against the Bills.)
7:48 - New Coors Light commercial with Ditka. Not bad. Ditka always makes decent commercials. My favorite is the one with Snoop.
7:49 - Gerald McCoy on the phone. He's going to Tampa Bay. They needed him. I comment that I have never seen them show the players on the phone minutes before the pick is made this often. Kofod disagrees. I know they always show the guys on the phone, but not before the pick is even in.
7:52 - The pick is finally in. I think ESPN is jumping the gun showing the players on the phone three minutes before the pick is in. Will someone back me up on the this?
7:58 - No phone preview. Who is it? Goodell announces Trent "Silverback" Williams to the Redskins. Kofod: "Whats up with the nickname?" I was thinking the same thing. Silverback? Really? I'm not a fan of this pick. Russell Okung is way better and he is still available. Plus Williams is the third Oklahoma Sooner selected so far. Dave Gardner AKA Gardy, a friend of mine from college and avid Bills fan texts me "The NFL didn't get that memo that Oklahoma was fucking terrible last year." Couldn't have said it better myself.
8:05 - Eric Berry is on the phone. ESPN had the microphone on him turned on and it sounds like Berry said "I'm gonna make that cheese". His accent is so thick I can't tell if that's what he said or if he said "I'm going to the Chiefs." Either way its true.
8:07 - Goodell announces Berry to the Chiefs. No kidding.
8:09 - A video is shown and the Chiefs are doing the warchant. Kofod almost has an aneurysm and starts yelling about how that belongs to Florida State. It actually belongs to the Native American's, who Florida State stole it from in the first place. Deal with it Fod.
8:10 - Adam Schefter basically says that Okung was gifted to Seattle because the Redskins blew it. The Seahawks need a running back I am hoping they take Spiller now and Okung will by some miracle falls to Buffalo.
8:13 - Dammit!! Okung is on the phone. Congrats Seattle, the only player I really wanted for the Bills is now gone. (Plus Goodell almost murdered his name.)
8:20 - A camera at Tim Tebow's house shows the stud on the phone. WTF? Smoothy Smith chimes in "He's probably on the phone with his virgin girlfriend. I don't want that virgin playing for me. If he plays for the Bills I will bring a sign that says 'Go home virgin'." Yes that is your first Smoothy Smith random thought. There will be plenty more to come. Hung-Low jumps in saying "We don't want your kind in here". Taylor: "He was the biggest star in college football for three years and he is a virgin. He probably has a tiny dick." I'm not loving the Tebow hate, but that exchange was hilarious.
8:22 - Browns select Joe Haden at 7??? Wow...the Browns went and got that franchise Cornerback they so desperately needed. I like Haden because he is a Florida guy, but at seven when Cleveland has a ton of other concerns to address, I'm not so sure. For a top-ten pick he better be a Darrelle Revis type in the next two years.
8:25 - Gardy via text message asks me who I want the Bills to take. I really only wanted Okung, but based on who is available I say I like Rolando McClain, or maybe Brian Buluga, Anthony Davis or a DE. I hate the number nine pick. Why couldn't the Bills have just lost to the Colts to end the year.
8:26 - Raiders are up. Who is it? It has to be something ridiculous. Tebow? Dez Bryant? Patrick Robinson?
8:28 - The Raiders select......Rolando McClain. Dammit it. A decent pick from Oakland I'm shocked. Kofod: "He will never succeed there. No one can."
8:29 - The Bills could use a smart, hard-working linebacker in the 3-4, but he's gone. NOW they are on the clock!
8:30 - The room is silent.
8:31 - Goodell is at the podium.
8:31.25 - And the Bills select...C.J. Spiller running back Clemson. What? That came out of left field. This means Lynch has to be gone before the season right? I'm not sure how feel about this pick, Kofod, Hung-low and Smoothy all like it. I like Spiller and he has tremendous upside, but it didn't address a need. Then again I'm not sure who I would have went with at 9. I think I like it. Gardy texts me "The Bills have 50 5'10'' athletes who can return punts and kicks." This is true, but if he becomes 70 percent of a Chris Johnson type that would be worth it. He is a bit of a softy though from what I've seen.
8:37 - The pressure is gone. The Bills have picked for tonight and I can guarantee they won't trade up because Ralph Wilson's middle name is Cheap. Look it up if you don't believe me. Now it is time to relax and hope some other teams blow the draft.
8:38 - Jaguars select Tyson Alualu. Wow that was perplexing. At Ten? Maybe they are doing a sign and trade with Oakland.
8:42 - First trade of the night. San Fransisco trades up to take Anthony Davis. Hung-low says. "No work ethic, weight problems, but all the right tools. Sounds like Mike Williams."
C-Hop a 49ers fan texts me that he likes the pick. In his words. "He will play right tackle, not left tackle. He has an explosive running back, who gets stuffed at the line more than any other back in the league." Humm.... It will prolly work out.
8:50 - San Diego takes Ryan Mathews running back Fresno State. Kofod actually called it when it happen. Trust me I wouldn't want to give him any credit. Oh and when I hear the last name Mattews or Mathews or Mat Hues I always think of Boy Meets World. Great show back in the day. Topanga (Corey the main character's GF was pretty hot, but had some weight issues before using Nutrisystem check the pics.
8:52 - Philly moves up Denver moves down and Kofod makes the call of the night! But more on that later. Eagles take Brandon Graham.
8:58 - Earl Thomas is selected by Seattle. There is not much conversation happening until.... Smooty Smith delivers another RANDOM THOUGHT!
Smoothy, "Where would you have your draft party (if you were a player like how Tebow was at his house)?"
Everyone looks at him thinking.
Smoothy before anyone answers, "I'd have mine at Old Main and when I got drafted I would puke all over and yell BEERS ON ME."
I would go to that draft party.
9:07 - That ridiculous Taco Bell commercial with Owen from One Tree Hill runs. (That show has jumped the shark something fierce by the way.)
An argument starts about how much Owen from OTH makes. I said probably 80 grand a year with guest appearances etc. Everyone thought that was a little low, but I have no way to find out so screw it. Moving on.
9:11 - The Giants are on the clock and I expect Boo's for whoever they pick. Jason Pierre-Paul is the choice. Only some half-hearted boos from the drunk fans. I hadn't heard much about him until about a week before the draft and McShay said it could be a bust. Drew Rosenhaus' face shows up next to Pierre-Paul. No WONDER he snuck up the boards last minute. I am thinking bust right now. Rosenhaus is a great agent, but he can kill a franchise.
9:20 - Derrick Morgan to Tennessee, he will help them.
9:23 - San Fran takes Mike Iupati, Guard, Idaho. Frank Gore's fantasy value is going up.
9:28 - Some little kid announces Mike Pouncey, Center, Florida.
9:31 - Atlanta take Sean Weatherspoon.
9:37 - Kareem Jackson CB to the Texans.
The question gets asked. Who goes first, Clausen, Tebow or McCoy. At this point I am convinced it is Tebow, but who will it be.
9:40 - TE Jermaine Gresham from Oklahoma to the Bengals. The Sooners are dominating this draft. Gresham was fantastic, but a bad knee is risky. This gives Carson Palmer a red zone weapon, which I think hurts Ochocinco's fantasy value. By the way should we call him Ochocinco. We should be calling him Chad Johnson because he made this claim and failed to back it up.
9:42 - One of my favorite columnists, Bill Simmons wants the Pats to take Dez Bryant (whom I love) here. I hope that doesn't happen. New England trades the pick away and Denver takes....Demaryius Thomas WR, Georgia Tech. Wow with Dez on the board I don't know if you can pass him up for another receiver, must be McDaniels is scared of Bryant's personality.
9:51 - Brian "Baby" Buluga goes to the Packers, that will make the best fantasy quarterback even better next year and no it is not Peyton Manning, Drew Brees or Tom Brady.
9:52 - New England trades down again and the Cowboys steal Dez Bryant. Great fit for him. He is the number three option and that will take the pressure off of him. If Romo stays healthy that offense could be nasty next year.
10:02 - Ravens trade to the Broncos and the christ child himself Tim Tebow comes off the board. First quarterback selected. I swear to Tebow's god that Kofod called this the first time Denver traded down. He said that Denver would take him and he was right.
10:17 - Dam Williams, DT goes to the Cards. Then Smooty Smith makes another RANDOM COMMENT (and perhaps the most racist comment of the night)
Smoothy "Ooooh a big black guy let's see his momma. I bet she's biiig."
10:22 - On ESPN's bottom line Bills Key Departures is running and I catch Rich Incognito out of the corner of my key. WOW. The 2010 Bills are going to be something special folks.
10:24 - New England takes Devin McCourty, CB, Rutgers. They need corners, but I think there are better players available.
10:30 - Dolphins are up I am thinking Jerry Hughes, but they went with Jared Odrick instead. I love it. Odrick is from Penn State and as Aaron Maybin can attest players from Penn State (and the Big 10 in general) have had little to no impact in the last five years if you look at them collectively. (I'd say since maybe Lavar Arrington.) If anyone says Paul Posluzny is good I will fight you. How he has such a high Madden rating is beyond me.
10:37 - Smoothy asks the question, "Would you rather be a millionaire and a virgin or poor and not a virgin?" (in reference to Tebow I think) A heated debate starts and the fundamentals of what it truly means to be a virgin are being tossed around. Smoothy insists that you can get dome. If this is the case then yes he would rather be a virgin millionaire. Hung-Low points out that you could simply get married. (This in my opinion is a cop of in terms of the argument, but a valid point) Smoothy declares he is going to Vegas and that ends it.
(By the way being that I am poor and not a virgin I would definitely choose to be a virgin millionaire.)
Oh and by the way the Jets' defense got even better because they selected Kyle Wilson CB Boise to help Revis just beast receivers off the line. They will probably win the division.
10:41 - Erin Andrews come on the screen and Smoothy immediately yells "Show your t*ts!" like he is at a Sunny's wet T-Shirt contest. Then, Jenn Brown comes on the air.
Best discussion of the night starts. Ding, ding, ding, Jenn Brown vs. Erin Andrews straight up!
Hung-low says Brown right out of the gate and Kofod looks as if someone called his mother ugly.
"NOOO Way," Kofod retorts."She has a huge forehead."
This goes on for awhile and I begin thinking that being a millionaire virgin might not be all its cracked up to be.
Smoothy jumps in on the Brown-wagon because she has DSL's.
I can't decide for the life of me. I like them both. What do you think? This matchup has to be in next year's tournament.
10:46 - Jahvid Best goes to Detroit. Likely to be a good fantasy sleeper. (Whoops shouldn't have given that one away).
10:53 - The Colts get Jerry Hughes a perfect fit in their scheme.
10:58 - The defending champs take Patrick Robinson CB Florida State and Drew Brees is going to be on the cover off Madden a bad, bad omen for next year's Saint's team. Kofod would like to add that Robinson sucks and gets burnt constantly. Even in the highlight they showed for him they had to use interceptions from two years ago.
That concluded Round 1 and the Bills would go on to not draft McCoy, Clausen, Terrence Cody or Kindle, who were all still hanging around. They went strictly defense in the next two rounds.
I will probably never do a running diary of a NFL draft again, unless it is live, because this is going to be a fairly boring read hope you used it for some bathroom reading.
Kinney
Kofod, Hung-Low, Smoothy Smith and myself all watched the draft together and this is a collection of our thoughts during the first round.
7:33 - NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell steps to the podium. Kofod comments that Keyshawn Johnson and Cris Carter are both not present. I comment that Goodell must have suspended them from the draft for being horrible analysts.
7:36 - Sam Bradford is on the phone. It's on. Bradford to Rams, no surprise there. I'm not a huge Bradford fan though. Seems like a good guy, but shoulder problems usually spell disaster unless you are Drew Brees.
7:42 - Kofod: "How funny would it be if Detroit took Dez Bryant. If Matt Millen was there they would." Probably true, but now Millen is working at ESPN where he can no longer beat Lions fans over the head with bad moves and losing records.
7:43 - Ndamukong Suh is on the phone, he is going to Detroit. (After it was all said and done I liked what the Lions did. They will win six games this year including one against the Bills.)
7:48 - New Coors Light commercial with Ditka. Not bad. Ditka always makes decent commercials. My favorite is the one with Snoop.
7:49 - Gerald McCoy on the phone. He's going to Tampa Bay. They needed him. I comment that I have never seen them show the players on the phone minutes before the pick is made this often. Kofod disagrees. I know they always show the guys on the phone, but not before the pick is even in.
7:52 - The pick is finally in. I think ESPN is jumping the gun showing the players on the phone three minutes before the pick is in. Will someone back me up on the this?
7:58 - No phone preview. Who is it? Goodell announces Trent "Silverback" Williams to the Redskins. Kofod: "Whats up with the nickname?" I was thinking the same thing. Silverback? Really? I'm not a fan of this pick. Russell Okung is way better and he is still available. Plus Williams is the third Oklahoma Sooner selected so far. Dave Gardner AKA Gardy, a friend of mine from college and avid Bills fan texts me "The NFL didn't get that memo that Oklahoma was fucking terrible last year." Couldn't have said it better myself.
8:05 - Eric Berry is on the phone. ESPN had the microphone on him turned on and it sounds like Berry said "I'm gonna make that cheese". His accent is so thick I can't tell if that's what he said or if he said "I'm going to the Chiefs." Either way its true.
8:07 - Goodell announces Berry to the Chiefs. No kidding.
8:09 - A video is shown and the Chiefs are doing the warchant. Kofod almost has an aneurysm and starts yelling about how that belongs to Florida State. It actually belongs to the Native American's, who Florida State stole it from in the first place. Deal with it Fod.
8:10 - Adam Schefter basically says that Okung was gifted to Seattle because the Redskins blew it. The Seahawks need a running back I am hoping they take Spiller now and Okung will by some miracle falls to Buffalo.
8:13 - Dammit!! Okung is on the phone. Congrats Seattle, the only player I really wanted for the Bills is now gone. (Plus Goodell almost murdered his name.)
8:20 - A camera at Tim Tebow's house shows the stud on the phone. WTF? Smoothy Smith chimes in "He's probably on the phone with his virgin girlfriend. I don't want that virgin playing for me. If he plays for the Bills I will bring a sign that says 'Go home virgin'." Yes that is your first Smoothy Smith random thought. There will be plenty more to come. Hung-Low jumps in saying "We don't want your kind in here". Taylor: "He was the biggest star in college football for three years and he is a virgin. He probably has a tiny dick." I'm not loving the Tebow hate, but that exchange was hilarious.
8:22 - Browns select Joe Haden at 7??? Wow...the Browns went and got that franchise Cornerback they so desperately needed. I like Haden because he is a Florida guy, but at seven when Cleveland has a ton of other concerns to address, I'm not so sure. For a top-ten pick he better be a Darrelle Revis type in the next two years.
8:25 - Gardy via text message asks me who I want the Bills to take. I really only wanted Okung, but based on who is available I say I like Rolando McClain, or maybe Brian Buluga, Anthony Davis or a DE. I hate the number nine pick. Why couldn't the Bills have just lost to the Colts to end the year.
8:26 - Raiders are up. Who is it? It has to be something ridiculous. Tebow? Dez Bryant? Patrick Robinson?
8:28 - The Raiders select......Rolando McClain. Dammit it. A decent pick from Oakland I'm shocked. Kofod: "He will never succeed there. No one can."
8:29 - The Bills could use a smart, hard-working linebacker in the 3-4, but he's gone. NOW they are on the clock!
8:30 - The room is silent.
8:31 - Goodell is at the podium.
8:31.25 - And the Bills select...C.J. Spiller running back Clemson. What? That came out of left field. This means Lynch has to be gone before the season right? I'm not sure how feel about this pick, Kofod, Hung-low and Smoothy all like it. I like Spiller and he has tremendous upside, but it didn't address a need. Then again I'm not sure who I would have went with at 9. I think I like it. Gardy texts me "The Bills have 50 5'10'' athletes who can return punts and kicks." This is true, but if he becomes 70 percent of a Chris Johnson type that would be worth it. He is a bit of a softy though from what I've seen.
8:37 - The pressure is gone. The Bills have picked for tonight and I can guarantee they won't trade up because Ralph Wilson's middle name is Cheap. Look it up if you don't believe me. Now it is time to relax and hope some other teams blow the draft.
8:38 - Jaguars select Tyson Alualu. Wow that was perplexing. At Ten? Maybe they are doing a sign and trade with Oakland.
8:42 - First trade of the night. San Fransisco trades up to take Anthony Davis. Hung-low says. "No work ethic, weight problems, but all the right tools. Sounds like Mike Williams."
C-Hop a 49ers fan texts me that he likes the pick. In his words. "He will play right tackle, not left tackle. He has an explosive running back, who gets stuffed at the line more than any other back in the league." Humm.... It will prolly work out.
8:50 - San Diego takes Ryan Mathews running back Fresno State. Kofod actually called it when it happen. Trust me I wouldn't want to give him any credit. Oh and when I hear the last name Mattews or Mathews or Mat Hues I always think of Boy Meets World. Great show back in the day. Topanga (Corey the main character's GF was pretty hot, but had some weight issues before using Nutrisystem check the pics.
8:52 - Philly moves up Denver moves down and Kofod makes the call of the night! But more on that later. Eagles take Brandon Graham.
8:58 - Earl Thomas is selected by Seattle. There is not much conversation happening until.... Smooty Smith delivers another RANDOM THOUGHT!
Smoothy, "Where would you have your draft party (if you were a player like how Tebow was at his house)?"
Everyone looks at him thinking.
Smoothy before anyone answers, "I'd have mine at Old Main and when I got drafted I would puke all over and yell BEERS ON ME."
I would go to that draft party.
9:07 - That ridiculous Taco Bell commercial with Owen from One Tree Hill runs. (That show has jumped the shark something fierce by the way.)
An argument starts about how much Owen from OTH makes. I said probably 80 grand a year with guest appearances etc. Everyone thought that was a little low, but I have no way to find out so screw it. Moving on.
9:11 - The Giants are on the clock and I expect Boo's for whoever they pick. Jason Pierre-Paul is the choice. Only some half-hearted boos from the drunk fans. I hadn't heard much about him until about a week before the draft and McShay said it could be a bust. Drew Rosenhaus' face shows up next to Pierre-Paul. No WONDER he snuck up the boards last minute. I am thinking bust right now. Rosenhaus is a great agent, but he can kill a franchise.
9:20 - Derrick Morgan to Tennessee, he will help them.
9:23 - San Fran takes Mike Iupati, Guard, Idaho. Frank Gore's fantasy value is going up.
9:28 - Some little kid announces Mike Pouncey, Center, Florida.
9:31 - Atlanta take Sean Weatherspoon.
9:37 - Kareem Jackson CB to the Texans.
The question gets asked. Who goes first, Clausen, Tebow or McCoy. At this point I am convinced it is Tebow, but who will it be.
9:40 - TE Jermaine Gresham from Oklahoma to the Bengals. The Sooners are dominating this draft. Gresham was fantastic, but a bad knee is risky. This gives Carson Palmer a red zone weapon, which I think hurts Ochocinco's fantasy value. By the way should we call him Ochocinco. We should be calling him Chad Johnson because he made this claim and failed to back it up.
9:42 - One of my favorite columnists, Bill Simmons wants the Pats to take Dez Bryant (whom I love) here. I hope that doesn't happen. New England trades the pick away and Denver takes....Demaryius Thomas WR, Georgia Tech. Wow with Dez on the board I don't know if you can pass him up for another receiver, must be McDaniels is scared of Bryant's personality.
9:51 - Brian "Baby" Buluga goes to the Packers, that will make the best fantasy quarterback even better next year and no it is not Peyton Manning, Drew Brees or Tom Brady.
9:52 - New England trades down again and the Cowboys steal Dez Bryant. Great fit for him. He is the number three option and that will take the pressure off of him. If Romo stays healthy that offense could be nasty next year.
10:02 - Ravens trade to the Broncos and the christ child himself Tim Tebow comes off the board. First quarterback selected. I swear to Tebow's god that Kofod called this the first time Denver traded down. He said that Denver would take him and he was right.
10:17 - Dam Williams, DT goes to the Cards. Then Smooty Smith makes another RANDOM COMMENT (and perhaps the most racist comment of the night)
Smoothy "Ooooh a big black guy let's see his momma. I bet she's biiig."
10:22 - On ESPN's bottom line Bills Key Departures is running and I catch Rich Incognito out of the corner of my key. WOW. The 2010 Bills are going to be something special folks.
10:24 - New England takes Devin McCourty, CB, Rutgers. They need corners, but I think there are better players available.
10:30 - Dolphins are up I am thinking Jerry Hughes, but they went with Jared Odrick instead. I love it. Odrick is from Penn State and as Aaron Maybin can attest players from Penn State (and the Big 10 in general) have had little to no impact in the last five years if you look at them collectively. (I'd say since maybe Lavar Arrington.) If anyone says Paul Posluzny is good I will fight you. How he has such a high Madden rating is beyond me.
10:37 - Smoothy asks the question, "Would you rather be a millionaire and a virgin or poor and not a virgin?" (in reference to Tebow I think) A heated debate starts and the fundamentals of what it truly means to be a virgin are being tossed around. Smoothy insists that you can get dome. If this is the case then yes he would rather be a virgin millionaire. Hung-Low points out that you could simply get married. (This in my opinion is a cop of in terms of the argument, but a valid point) Smoothy declares he is going to Vegas and that ends it.
(By the way being that I am poor and not a virgin I would definitely choose to be a virgin millionaire.)
Oh and by the way the Jets' defense got even better because they selected Kyle Wilson CB Boise to help Revis just beast receivers off the line. They will probably win the division.
10:41 - Erin Andrews come on the screen and Smoothy immediately yells "Show your t*ts!" like he is at a Sunny's wet T-Shirt contest. Then, Jenn Brown comes on the air.
Best discussion of the night starts. Ding, ding, ding, Jenn Brown vs. Erin Andrews straight up!
Hung-low says Brown right out of the gate and Kofod looks as if someone called his mother ugly.
"NOOO Way," Kofod retorts."She has a huge forehead."
This goes on for awhile and I begin thinking that being a millionaire virgin might not be all its cracked up to be.
Smoothy jumps in on the Brown-wagon because she has DSL's.
I can't decide for the life of me. I like them both. What do you think? This matchup has to be in next year's tournament.
10:46 - Jahvid Best goes to Detroit. Likely to be a good fantasy sleeper. (Whoops shouldn't have given that one away).
10:53 - The Colts get Jerry Hughes a perfect fit in their scheme.
10:58 - The defending champs take Patrick Robinson CB Florida State and Drew Brees is going to be on the cover off Madden a bad, bad omen for next year's Saint's team. Kofod would like to add that Robinson sucks and gets burnt constantly. Even in the highlight they showed for him they had to use interceptions from two years ago.
That concluded Round 1 and the Bills would go on to not draft McCoy, Clausen, Terrence Cody or Kindle, who were all still hanging around. They went strictly defense in the next two rounds.
I will probably never do a running diary of a NFL draft again, unless it is live, because this is going to be a fairly boring read hope you used it for some bathroom reading.
Kinney
25 Rules Athletes Must Follow When Going Out
With all the problems lately, and really over the past decade, athletes have had going out and getting in trouble I have come up with 25 rules for these athletes to follow to make sure things don't go wrong when they want to "hit the club." These rules are for male professional athletes only. A whole new rulebook is needed for college athletes. These are for the pros. But feel free if you are not an athlete to follow these rules too. Many may seem common sense to us, but clearly they are not to professional athletes. So here are the 25 rules.
Rule 1: Don't Carry Any GUNS!!!
Never, ever carry out a gun if you are going out. Just leave it at home. From Stephen Jackson outside a night club, to Shaun Rogers having a loaded gun in his suitcase, to Plaxico Burress this has cost many athletes dearly. Nothing comes good out of mixing guns with men, alcohol, money, and drugs. Nothing.
Rule 2: Make Sure No One Else Has GUNS!!!
Not only must you make sure you don't bring a gun, but that no one else does either. This includes your entourage. You don't want a fight to get out hand, because one of your "boys" pulled a hand gun out of his hoody and decided to take on things by himself. This is never good!
Rule 3: Don't Go To a Situation You Know is Bad
This goes hand in hand with the first two rules. If you know there is a place where trouble exists don't go to it. If you feel you need to bring a gun to a certain place, than that's not a place to go to. If you don't like a certain teammate and he's going to be somewhere you are than just stay away. Go to places where fear and trouble don't exsist.
Rule 4: Don't Mouth Off to Cops
This is a hard one not only for athletes, but anyone who has had a little too much to drink. The fact is you may think a Cop is in the wrong, but the fact is they are the LAW. And 99% of the time they can get away with whatever they want. It's not fair, but that's life. Most cops don't care if you are a millionare. KO Simpson, formerly of the Buffalo Bills, learned this the hard way when he started yelling he was a "Buffalo Bill" and that "I'm a Millionare" to try to get out of trouble. Not going to work. Fighting cops will just lead you to being arrested, and perhaps even worse. Ask Donte "Taser" Whitner how a taser feels at 3 a.m.
I understand you are a professional athlete. But seriously try to keep as low of a profile as possible. Don't introduce yourself into the club. Don't wear your jersey, or something so obvious that points out to everyone who you are. Don't let the DJ get on the loud speakers and say your name to everyone in the building. Try your hardest to blend in your surrounding environment and look like everyone else.
Rule 6: No Sweatpants
This can be reffered to as the Plaxico Burress rule. Plax had his gun in his sweatpants, which moved around and caused him to shoot himself in the leg. The fact is whether its your wallet, phone, gun, whatever, anything that is in sweatpant pockets can be easily lost, which can possibly cause catastrophic probles. Plus it just looks bad. Your a professional athlete your above wearing sweatpants to a club. At least wear jeans!
Rule 7: Have a Ride Set Up in Advance to Take You Home
Charles Barkley, Carmelo Anthony, Ronnie Brown, Roscoe Parrish, and Rey Maualuga are just a few of many athletes who have had DUI's. It's one thing for a broke high school or college did to get a DUI. It's a completely different story for a proffessional athlete to get a DUI. You are millionares. Have a driver take you around. Or pay one of your entourgage members not to drink. Or pay for a cab, limo, anything. But don't get behind of the wheel drunk. This is not acceptable, considering all the recourses and alternatives available to you to get home safely.
Rule 8: Entourage-Is There To Protect You, Not to Glam up to You
This is a very underated, but very important rule. Look every athlete is going to have an entourage. It comes with the territory. But what type of entourage will you have. Will you have one that protects you, or one that is just looking to try to be in the lime light with you. I know I said I would not involve college athletes in these rules, but I am going to make one exception for this rule. Tim Tebow. Word in Florida was that when Tim Tebow went out he had his entourage protect him from anything and everything. Whether it's be booze, women looking to take advantage of him, drugs, whatever, when Tebow went to a place, and this place had these things the entourage did everything in their power to remove these things and protect Tebow. Tebow's legacy was on the line and the entourage knew this and protected it. The complete opposite is the bodyguard entourage Ben Roethlisberger had with him in Milledgeville, Georgia last March. That entourage allowed Big Ben to go into the bathroom with that woman, and allowed Big Ben to take pictures with any women, any guy, and the police. Overall it just looked really bad. It does not seem this entourage was looking out for the best interests of Big Ben, but instead just wanted to shine with him. This is not the entourage you want. So be very careful in who you choose to be a part of your entourage.
Call this the Pac-Man Jones Rule. In 2007, during NBA All Star Weekend in Las Vegas, Pac-Man threw a thousand dollars worth of single dollars in the air in the strip club. It was all fun and good. Naturally the other people at the strip club went after the money. This is where the trouble started. Pac-Man was not cool with this and soon his entourage was fighting another entourage and gun shots were fired. Subsequently one of the strip club security guards was shot and paralyzed from the waist down. Pac-Man was suspeneded for the 2007 NFL season and has done nothing since. So the lesson is this. Do not "Make it Rain" with money at a club unless you are being charitable. Even then you are breaking rule #5. So it's best to just leave your money in your wallet.
Rule 10: Be Classy
This is a very important rule. When you are out, whether it'd be a bar, casino, club, mall, wherever you need to present yourself well to the public. You need to show class. This is something Tiger Woods failed to do, and is a big reason why he's hated by so many now. Tiger is known as being cheap. He will tip as little as he can, or not all. Will not treat others. Reportedly, he took one of his mistresses to Subway and bought her a $5 footlong for her. Now I like $5 footlongs, but even I could do a little better than that on a date. At least take her to Applebees. I know you don't want people to think you are having an affair, but you can at least act professional and make it seem like a business meeting. No one would have no the difference. But Subway? That's lame! And Tiger reportedly would not even give another one of his mistresses $250 when she was in a financial bind. So if any of these ladies tried to get with Tiger to be a "Gold Digger", they couldn't even "pinch pennies" out of the guy. Now I don't mean to make this all about Tiger. But Tiger's cheapness is so blatant it is the gold standard of this rule. Had Tiger had treated his mistresses and the people he associated with at bars, clubs, and casinos better than when "the shit hit the fan" in the last 5-6 months it probably would not have been as bad for him. Probably some of the mistresses would kept it private, and less stories about his cheapness and his rude behavior would have come out. If you are classy to people when you go out, than if bad things happen you can expect to get some protection. Tiger recieved no protection, because he had no class.
Look I'm not going to pretend that professional athletes don't take illegal drugs. They do. Whether it be steriods, cocaine, marajuna, or God knows what else athletes will do what it takes to get a high. Now I'm not saying for professional athletes not to take illegal drugs. That's not realistic. But what I am saying is just do it in the privacy of your own home or hotel room. The longer you leave it in the car the worse it could get. If you are pulled over you are screwed. If you do it at a casino, bar, or any other open public establishment than you are really asking for it. And if you are stupid enough to try to hide it a secret compartment at the airport (Michael Vick-water bottle) than you are just really stupid. Just take what ever drug it is and do it with your "boys" at the Crib or in the Hotel room with the door locked, and the opening under the door sealed. Better to be safe than sorry. And also don't let any pictures go off while this is going on. That's the mistake Michael Phelps made.
Rule 12: Bathroom is for Washing Up, No.1, No.2, and Vomiting if you are Sick...That's It!!!
Call this the "Ben Roethlisberger" Rule. At that Georgia night club, a month ago, Big Ben brought a young female into a bathroom stall to perform sexual acts. This is a big NO NO!!! Whether you are Big Ben, or any other athlete just take the girl back to your crib, or the hotel room, or even the car. But not the bathroom! Come on you are better than that. This goes along with rule number 10. Even the VIP room would be better than the bathroom. As the rule states the bathroom is for washing up, No.1, No.2, and Vomiting if you are sick. For God's sake that is it.
Rule 13: Have a Money Limit Set for the Night
This is a very important rule for your long term financial status. The fact is in the four major sports a majority, yes a Majority of athletes are going broke when their professional careers are over. Whether it'd be Scottie Pippen, Allen Iverson, Evander Holyfield, or Mike Tyson more and more athletes are going broke. 80% of NFL players flirt or file for bankruptcy two years after they retire. For NBA players 60% go broke 5 years after they retire. So be careful with your money. When you go out at night have a limit set on your money you can spend. This is true for the bars, clubs, and ESPECIALLY the casino. Don't gamble your way to debt like Iverson and Antoine Walker did. Walker lost $100 million dollars, mostly gambling it away. So know if you are lucky enough to gamble with Michael Jordan or Tiger Woods that they have far more money than you do. So don't be afraid to not bet the amount, or spend the amount those two do. That's the mistake Walker made. High rolling over his worth. Spend within your means each and every night. Because understand you will not be making millions forever.
Rule 14: Drinks are for Drinking...That's It!!!
Santonio Holmes allegedly threw a drink at a women weeks ago and was one of the final straws the Steelers had (along with his drug suspension) that lead him to get traded to the Jets. This is stupid. If you get a drink either A.) Drink It, or B.) Give it to someone else to drink it. Don't throw it at somone, or throw the glass on the ground in frustration. These are just moves that are beyond stupidity and require no further explanation.
Rule 15: If a Woman Disses You Just Move On
You are a professional athlete. If a women says no to you, or says something misguided than move on. You can find another "10" out there. Don't let it get to you. Don't you dare hit or slap the women. That's a NO, NO! And don't throw a drink at the girl's face like Santonio Holmes allegedly did. Just move on to the next one.
Rule 16: If a Fan Birates You Let it Go or Let Your Entourage Take Care Of It
It does not matter how good you are. You could be Michael Jordan, Peyton Manning, and Usain Bolt all combined in one. Their will always be a hater out there. So when you walk into the club, bar, casino, even the grocery store they will be ready to birate you. Don't let it get to you. Don't try to start an argument with the fan, because that will get you nowhere. Don't go after the fan in a violent matter. That's just stupid. Either walk away, or allow your entourage ,or those in charge of the establishment you are at, to "kindly" remove the fan. But don't get involved personally, and no matter what they say let it go. You are a professional athlete. You are better than them.
Rule 17: If Your "Boys" Get into a Fight Stay Out of It
This is a hard rule for anyone to follow, let alone an athlete. The fact is if you are out with your "boys" a lot, then at some point a fight will happen. Other people drink, and other people are jealous of you. It's bound to happen. But when it happens to one of your "boys" you need to stay out. You need to let them figure it out. You may feel bad, you may feel like woose, and your "boys" may think you did not have your back. But if your "boys" can not understand the position you are in as an athlete, and how this would not be a good idea for you to get into a fight, than you need to find a new set of your "boys" who will understand this. It's crucial for you to understand this.
Rule 18: If You are Married Know People Will Talk
Obviously this rule only applies to those professional athletes you are married. So know if you are going to go out and in a public setting physically go after other women in a sexual way no that people will talk. Whether you are A-Rod in Toronto or Tiger Woods in Las Vegas know that it will be only a matter of time before what you are doing hits the tabloids and newspapers. So be careful at your own risk.
Rule 19: If You Lose a Game, and Go Out Later That Night Be Very Careful
Look I am not saying if you lose that you can't go out. I understand that some athletes after a tough loss just need to head to the bar, and have a couple of drinks to get over the tough loss. But know that if you do this you can get crap from fans who see you. This is what caused Jimmy Clausen to get a black eye following the loss to UCONN. And look it's one thing to have a drink at the bar after a loss. But don't you dare go to the night club and start dancing around, and having a party after a devastating loss. Then you are really asking for trouble, and honestly rightfully so.
Rule 20: If Shit Goes Down Be Honest, Dishonesty will Catch Up to You in the Long Run
If something bad happens it is so easy to lie about it when people find out about it. Athletes think if they can hide what they did, and deny it than they are of big enough stature to get away with it. That may have been true 30 years ago. But in the TMZ world we live in today that's completely far from the truth. Michael Vick, and Plaxico Burress learned this the hard way. Vick lied to everyone, the Virginia police, the FBI, the media, and Roger Goodell when the dogfighting ring first broke. Soon though the evidence came out, and it was very clear Vick knew and participated in these dog fights. Vick was caught in his own lies, and it cost him extra time behind bars, and a suspension from the NFL before he could play again. It also cost him millions, and hurt his reputation. Had Vick just told the truth from the begining, and cooperated with authorities, chances are he would have served a lesser sentence, and today Vick could be starting for some team instead of still being a backup. But this shouldn't suprise anyone that "Ron Mexico" would do something like this. As for Plaxico Burress when he accidently shot himself he went to the hostipal and called himself Harris Smith in the hostpital. This lead to confusion over who he actually was, and the fact was the NYPD did not learn about the incident until they saw it on television. Had Plaxico had just admitted who he was in the hospital and cooperated with police from the start then perhaps his sentence would not have been so bad. Lying may seem like the best solution in the short run, but in the age we live in today the truth will eventually come out. So don't be Pinocchio. Tell the truth.
Rule 21: In the Few Days Before a Season Starts Don't Go Out...Wait Until You Get That First Win
This rule is especially true if your team stinks. Case in point the Buffalo Bills. Let's call this the Lee Evans rule. The weekend before the Bills Monday Night season opener at New England Lee Evans was out in Fredonia with Eric Moulds. That's fine for Moulds. He's retired, he can do what he pleases. But this is quite different for Evans. Evans is an overated player on a lousy team. No reason for him to be out in Fred two days before the season starts. When Brett approached him about this concept that faithful Saturday night Evans blew off that concept. The Bills would go on to lose that Monday Night to the Patriots. I am not saying had he not gone out the Bills would have won. Either way they were going to lose to New England. But it just adds to the misery of Bills fans, and the mediocrity of the franchise. It just looks bad. So right before the season starts just wait. When you win a game than go out.
Rule 22: If You Can't Play, You Can't Go Out...No Questions!!!
For some reason this hard for those who play for the Toronto Raptors to follow. When Vince Carter was with the Raptors he was out at a Nelly concert, dancing right on stage with Nelly. This while he could not play because of a supposed injury. Then last week Tornoto Raptors player Hedo Turkoglu was seen dancing and drinking at a club, while he was out in the lineup with a "stomach sickness." Both these cases lead to Tornoto Raptors fans e-mailing and calling the franchise to tattle tell on the NBA players in question. The Toronto Raptors fans would not be the only ones who would do this. Any fans, of any team would do this. Fans hate it when they see you can't play, yet you go out. This drives fans crazy and they will tell on you and your franchise will not like you for it. So the rule is simple. If you can't play, then you can't go out. No Ands, Ifs, or Buts about this one.
Rule 23: If a Championship is On the Line Stay in the Hotel Room
Stanley Wilson, the star fullback of the Super Bowl XXIII Cincinnati Bengals, was caught using cocaine in his hotel room the night before Super Bowl XXIII. He was quickly suspened for the game and never played in the league again. The night before Super Bowl XXXIII Atlanta Falcons safety Eugene Robinson was arrested for the solicitation of prostitution. Robinson tried to get a female undercover cop (who was posing as a prostitute) to have sex with him for $40. This was right after Robinson had just left a banquet in which he recieved the Bart Starr Award for his "high moral character." In the week leading up to Super Bowl XXXVII Oakland Raiders Center Barret Robbins went missing. The Super Bowl was in San Diego. Robbins ended up going to Tijuana, Mexico where he overdosed on drugs and alcohol and ended up in a hostpital. In all three cases those teams lost the Super Bowl. For Robbins and Wilson they would never play a down in the NFL again. So the lesson is clear. With a championship on the line just stay in the hotel room. Wait until after the championship to either party to celebrate the win, or drink away the misery of losing. This rule can also apply to playoff runs as well. This rule works for playoffs as well. Last baseball season the Detroit Tigers lost a three game lead in the AL Central Division race with four games to play to the Minnesota Twins. During this time Tigers best player, 1B Miguel Cabrera, "allegedly" got into an altercation with his wife, and (this part is factually true) had a blood alcohol level of .26, three times the legal limit. This proved to be a big distraction for the Tigers, and in the end the Twins won the AL Central Division in a 1 game playoff against the Tigers, and the Tigers were out of the playoffs. So with playoff births, playoff wins, or championships on the line stay at home, stay at the hotel room, and don't go out.
Rule 24: When it Doubt Ask WWTBD or WWDJD
WWTBD = What Would Tom Brady Do
WWDJD = What Would Derek Jeter Do
You don't have to like one or both of these athletes. But the fact is both these guys go out regularly and are never in trouble for it. Now it certainly helps that both are champions. But so are Big Ben and Tiger. What seperates Jeter and Brady from those two and many other athletes is the class that they bring. These two athletes follow rule #10 to a tee. They are keen to not do anything to damage their character. So if you are at the club, at the casino, at the crib, wherever and you are in a bind just think to yourself What Would Tom Brady Do and/or What Would Derek Jeter Do. If you believe those two would NOT do what you are thinking about doing than, plain and simply, don't do it. You will be happy with your decision.
If you are only going to follow two rules than make them be rule #1 and this rule. Look your a professional athlete, and married or not chances are you are going to sleep with many different women. I'm not here to judge that, but I am here to say that for God's sake wear a condom!!! Don't trust what a woman says. Half of them are in it to try to be a "Baby Mama." Just ask Shawn Kemp who is rumored to have anywhere from 7-15 different kids with many different women. Or Travis Henry who has 9 different kids with 9 different women, and is now in jail because he failed to pay child support. Or Antonio Cromartie who has 7 different kids in 5 different states, and who the Jets recently gave him an extra $500,000, in his trade from the Chargers, to help pay for the child support. So the message is clear. WRAP IT UP!!!
Bonus Rule: Beware of Technology!!!
No matter where you are (whether it'd be your home, hotel, bar, car, wherever) be aware of the technology people around you have. With video, twitter, facebook, blogs, and pictures all available at people fingertips do not think for a second people won't try to capture you in a bad light. This is what Jerry Jones learned the hard way. As did Michael Phelps with his bong hit in a buddy's apartment in South Carolina. If you twitter, know that if you tweet something stupid you will get heat from the media, your team, and your league. Also be aware that if you send a text message it could go public. Just ask Tiger Woods with all his various sex text messages. So athletes be aware of what people have on them to capture you looking bad.
Rule 1: Don't Carry Any GUNS!!!
Never, ever carry out a gun if you are going out. Just leave it at home. From Stephen Jackson outside a night club, to Shaun Rogers having a loaded gun in his suitcase, to Plaxico Burress this has cost many athletes dearly. Nothing comes good out of mixing guns with men, alcohol, money, and drugs. Nothing.
Rule 2: Make Sure No One Else Has GUNS!!!
Not only must you make sure you don't bring a gun, but that no one else does either. This includes your entourage. You don't want a fight to get out hand, because one of your "boys" pulled a hand gun out of his hoody and decided to take on things by himself. This is never good!
Rule 3: Don't Go To a Situation You Know is Bad
This goes hand in hand with the first two rules. If you know there is a place where trouble exists don't go to it. If you feel you need to bring a gun to a certain place, than that's not a place to go to. If you don't like a certain teammate and he's going to be somewhere you are than just stay away. Go to places where fear and trouble don't exsist.
Rule 4: Don't Mouth Off to Cops
This is a hard one not only for athletes, but anyone who has had a little too much to drink. The fact is you may think a Cop is in the wrong, but the fact is they are the LAW. And 99% of the time they can get away with whatever they want. It's not fair, but that's life. Most cops don't care if you are a millionare. KO Simpson, formerly of the Buffalo Bills, learned this the hard way when he started yelling he was a "Buffalo Bill" and that "I'm a Millionare" to try to get out of trouble. Not going to work. Fighting cops will just lead you to being arrested, and perhaps even worse. Ask Donte "Taser" Whitner how a taser feels at 3 a.m.
Donte "Taser" Whitner did not know when to shut up.
Rule 5: Be as Low Key as PossibleI understand you are a professional athlete. But seriously try to keep as low of a profile as possible. Don't introduce yourself into the club. Don't wear your jersey, or something so obvious that points out to everyone who you are. Don't let the DJ get on the loud speakers and say your name to everyone in the building. Try your hardest to blend in your surrounding environment and look like everyone else.
Rule 6: No Sweatpants
This can be reffered to as the Plaxico Burress rule. Plax had his gun in his sweatpants, which moved around and caused him to shoot himself in the leg. The fact is whether its your wallet, phone, gun, whatever, anything that is in sweatpant pockets can be easily lost, which can possibly cause catastrophic probles. Plus it just looks bad. Your a professional athlete your above wearing sweatpants to a club. At least wear jeans!
Rule 7: Have a Ride Set Up in Advance to Take You Home
Charles Barkley, Carmelo Anthony, Ronnie Brown, Roscoe Parrish, and Rey Maualuga are just a few of many athletes who have had DUI's. It's one thing for a broke high school or college did to get a DUI. It's a completely different story for a proffessional athlete to get a DUI. You are millionares. Have a driver take you around. Or pay one of your entourgage members not to drink. Or pay for a cab, limo, anything. But don't get behind of the wheel drunk. This is not acceptable, considering all the recourses and alternatives available to you to get home safely.
Rule 8: Entourage-Is There To Protect You, Not to Glam up to You
This is a very underated, but very important rule. Look every athlete is going to have an entourage. It comes with the territory. But what type of entourage will you have. Will you have one that protects you, or one that is just looking to try to be in the lime light with you. I know I said I would not involve college athletes in these rules, but I am going to make one exception for this rule. Tim Tebow. Word in Florida was that when Tim Tebow went out he had his entourage protect him from anything and everything. Whether it's be booze, women looking to take advantage of him, drugs, whatever, when Tebow went to a place, and this place had these things the entourage did everything in their power to remove these things and protect Tebow. Tebow's legacy was on the line and the entourage knew this and protected it. The complete opposite is the bodyguard entourage Ben Roethlisberger had with him in Milledgeville, Georgia last March. That entourage allowed Big Ben to go into the bathroom with that woman, and allowed Big Ben to take pictures with any women, any guy, and the police. Overall it just looked really bad. It does not seem this entourage was looking out for the best interests of Big Ben, but instead just wanted to shine with him. This is not the entourage you want. So be very careful in who you choose to be a part of your entourage.
Big Ben's entourage of bodyguards did not have his best interest that faithful night in Georgia.
Rule 9: Don't Throw Cash in the Air and Expect to Get it BackCall this the Pac-Man Jones Rule. In 2007, during NBA All Star Weekend in Las Vegas, Pac-Man threw a thousand dollars worth of single dollars in the air in the strip club. It was all fun and good. Naturally the other people at the strip club went after the money. This is where the trouble started. Pac-Man was not cool with this and soon his entourage was fighting another entourage and gun shots were fired. Subsequently one of the strip club security guards was shot and paralyzed from the waist down. Pac-Man was suspeneded for the 2007 NFL season and has done nothing since. So the lesson is this. Do not "Make it Rain" with money at a club unless you are being charitable. Even then you are breaking rule #5. So it's best to just leave your money in your wallet.
Rule 10: Be Classy
This is a very important rule. When you are out, whether it'd be a bar, casino, club, mall, wherever you need to present yourself well to the public. You need to show class. This is something Tiger Woods failed to do, and is a big reason why he's hated by so many now. Tiger is known as being cheap. He will tip as little as he can, or not all. Will not treat others. Reportedly, he took one of his mistresses to Subway and bought her a $5 footlong for her. Now I like $5 footlongs, but even I could do a little better than that on a date. At least take her to Applebees. I know you don't want people to think you are having an affair, but you can at least act professional and make it seem like a business meeting. No one would have no the difference. But Subway? That's lame! And Tiger reportedly would not even give another one of his mistresses $250 when she was in a financial bind. So if any of these ladies tried to get with Tiger to be a "Gold Digger", they couldn't even "pinch pennies" out of the guy. Now I don't mean to make this all about Tiger. But Tiger's cheapness is so blatant it is the gold standard of this rule. Had Tiger had treated his mistresses and the people he associated with at bars, clubs, and casinos better than when "the shit hit the fan" in the last 5-6 months it probably would not have been as bad for him. Probably some of the mistresses would kept it private, and less stories about his cheapness and his rude behavior would have come out. If you are classy to people when you go out, than if bad things happen you can expect to get some protection. Tiger recieved no protection, because he had no class.
This is not the classiest way to treat a girl. Especially if you are a guy like Tiger Woods
Rule 11: No Illegal Drugs in a Public SettingLook I'm not going to pretend that professional athletes don't take illegal drugs. They do. Whether it be steriods, cocaine, marajuna, or God knows what else athletes will do what it takes to get a high. Now I'm not saying for professional athletes not to take illegal drugs. That's not realistic. But what I am saying is just do it in the privacy of your own home or hotel room. The longer you leave it in the car the worse it could get. If you are pulled over you are screwed. If you do it at a casino, bar, or any other open public establishment than you are really asking for it. And if you are stupid enough to try to hide it a secret compartment at the airport (Michael Vick-water bottle) than you are just really stupid. Just take what ever drug it is and do it with your "boys" at the Crib or in the Hotel room with the door locked, and the opening under the door sealed. Better to be safe than sorry. And also don't let any pictures go off while this is going on. That's the mistake Michael Phelps made.
Rule 12: Bathroom is for Washing Up, No.1, No.2, and Vomiting if you are Sick...That's It!!!
Call this the "Ben Roethlisberger" Rule. At that Georgia night club, a month ago, Big Ben brought a young female into a bathroom stall to perform sexual acts. This is a big NO NO!!! Whether you are Big Ben, or any other athlete just take the girl back to your crib, or the hotel room, or even the car. But not the bathroom! Come on you are better than that. This goes along with rule number 10. Even the VIP room would be better than the bathroom. As the rule states the bathroom is for washing up, No.1, No.2, and Vomiting if you are sick. For God's sake that is it.
When you are a professional athlete you can do much better than having sex in a men's bathroom.
Rule 13: Have a Money Limit Set for the Night
This is a very important rule for your long term financial status. The fact is in the four major sports a majority, yes a Majority of athletes are going broke when their professional careers are over. Whether it'd be Scottie Pippen, Allen Iverson, Evander Holyfield, or Mike Tyson more and more athletes are going broke. 80% of NFL players flirt or file for bankruptcy two years after they retire. For NBA players 60% go broke 5 years after they retire. So be careful with your money. When you go out at night have a limit set on your money you can spend. This is true for the bars, clubs, and ESPECIALLY the casino. Don't gamble your way to debt like Iverson and Antoine Walker did. Walker lost $100 million dollars, mostly gambling it away. So know if you are lucky enough to gamble with Michael Jordan or Tiger Woods that they have far more money than you do. So don't be afraid to not bet the amount, or spend the amount those two do. That's the mistake Walker made. High rolling over his worth. Spend within your means each and every night. Because understand you will not be making millions forever.
Rule 14: Drinks are for Drinking...That's It!!!
Santonio Holmes allegedly threw a drink at a women weeks ago and was one of the final straws the Steelers had (along with his drug suspension) that lead him to get traded to the Jets. This is stupid. If you get a drink either A.) Drink It, or B.) Give it to someone else to drink it. Don't throw it at somone, or throw the glass on the ground in frustration. These are just moves that are beyond stupidity and require no further explanation.
Rule 15: If a Woman Disses You Just Move On
You are a professional athlete. If a women says no to you, or says something misguided than move on. You can find another "10" out there. Don't let it get to you. Don't you dare hit or slap the women. That's a NO, NO! And don't throw a drink at the girl's face like Santonio Holmes allegedly did. Just move on to the next one.
Rule 16: If a Fan Birates You Let it Go or Let Your Entourage Take Care Of It
It does not matter how good you are. You could be Michael Jordan, Peyton Manning, and Usain Bolt all combined in one. Their will always be a hater out there. So when you walk into the club, bar, casino, even the grocery store they will be ready to birate you. Don't let it get to you. Don't try to start an argument with the fan, because that will get you nowhere. Don't go after the fan in a violent matter. That's just stupid. Either walk away, or allow your entourage ,or those in charge of the establishment you are at, to "kindly" remove the fan. But don't get involved personally, and no matter what they say let it go. You are a professional athlete. You are better than them.
Rule 17: If Your "Boys" Get into a Fight Stay Out of It
This is a hard rule for anyone to follow, let alone an athlete. The fact is if you are out with your "boys" a lot, then at some point a fight will happen. Other people drink, and other people are jealous of you. It's bound to happen. But when it happens to one of your "boys" you need to stay out. You need to let them figure it out. You may feel bad, you may feel like woose, and your "boys" may think you did not have your back. But if your "boys" can not understand the position you are in as an athlete, and how this would not be a good idea for you to get into a fight, than you need to find a new set of your "boys" who will understand this. It's crucial for you to understand this.
Rule 18: If You are Married Know People Will Talk
Obviously this rule only applies to those professional athletes you are married. So know if you are going to go out and in a public setting physically go after other women in a sexual way no that people will talk. Whether you are A-Rod in Toronto or Tiger Woods in Las Vegas know that it will be only a matter of time before what you are doing hits the tabloids and newspapers. So be careful at your own risk.
Rule 19: If You Lose a Game, and Go Out Later That Night Be Very Careful
Look I am not saying if you lose that you can't go out. I understand that some athletes after a tough loss just need to head to the bar, and have a couple of drinks to get over the tough loss. But know that if you do this you can get crap from fans who see you. This is what caused Jimmy Clausen to get a black eye following the loss to UCONN. And look it's one thing to have a drink at the bar after a loss. But don't you dare go to the night club and start dancing around, and having a party after a devastating loss. Then you are really asking for trouble, and honestly rightfully so.
Rule 20: If Shit Goes Down Be Honest, Dishonesty will Catch Up to You in the Long Run
If something bad happens it is so easy to lie about it when people find out about it. Athletes think if they can hide what they did, and deny it than they are of big enough stature to get away with it. That may have been true 30 years ago. But in the TMZ world we live in today that's completely far from the truth. Michael Vick, and Plaxico Burress learned this the hard way. Vick lied to everyone, the Virginia police, the FBI, the media, and Roger Goodell when the dogfighting ring first broke. Soon though the evidence came out, and it was very clear Vick knew and participated in these dog fights. Vick was caught in his own lies, and it cost him extra time behind bars, and a suspension from the NFL before he could play again. It also cost him millions, and hurt his reputation. Had Vick just told the truth from the begining, and cooperated with authorities, chances are he would have served a lesser sentence, and today Vick could be starting for some team instead of still being a backup. But this shouldn't suprise anyone that "Ron Mexico" would do something like this. As for Plaxico Burress when he accidently shot himself he went to the hostipal and called himself Harris Smith in the hostpital. This lead to confusion over who he actually was, and the fact was the NYPD did not learn about the incident until they saw it on television. Had Plaxico had just admitted who he was in the hospital and cooperated with police from the start then perhaps his sentence would not have been so bad. Lying may seem like the best solution in the short run, but in the age we live in today the truth will eventually come out. So don't be Pinocchio. Tell the truth.
Rule 21: In the Few Days Before a Season Starts Don't Go Out...Wait Until You Get That First Win
This rule is especially true if your team stinks. Case in point the Buffalo Bills. Let's call this the Lee Evans rule. The weekend before the Bills Monday Night season opener at New England Lee Evans was out in Fredonia with Eric Moulds. That's fine for Moulds. He's retired, he can do what he pleases. But this is quite different for Evans. Evans is an overated player on a lousy team. No reason for him to be out in Fred two days before the season starts. When Brett approached him about this concept that faithful Saturday night Evans blew off that concept. The Bills would go on to lose that Monday Night to the Patriots. I am not saying had he not gone out the Bills would have won. Either way they were going to lose to New England. But it just adds to the misery of Bills fans, and the mediocrity of the franchise. It just looks bad. So right before the season starts just wait. When you win a game than go out.
Rule 22: If You Can't Play, You Can't Go Out...No Questions!!!
For some reason this hard for those who play for the Toronto Raptors to follow. When Vince Carter was with the Raptors he was out at a Nelly concert, dancing right on stage with Nelly. This while he could not play because of a supposed injury. Then last week Tornoto Raptors player Hedo Turkoglu was seen dancing and drinking at a club, while he was out in the lineup with a "stomach sickness." Both these cases lead to Tornoto Raptors fans e-mailing and calling the franchise to tattle tell on the NBA players in question. The Toronto Raptors fans would not be the only ones who would do this. Any fans, of any team would do this. Fans hate it when they see you can't play, yet you go out. This drives fans crazy and they will tell on you and your franchise will not like you for it. So the rule is simple. If you can't play, then you can't go out. No Ands, Ifs, or Buts about this one.
Rule 23: If a Championship is On the Line Stay in the Hotel Room
Stanley Wilson, the star fullback of the Super Bowl XXIII Cincinnati Bengals, was caught using cocaine in his hotel room the night before Super Bowl XXIII. He was quickly suspened for the game and never played in the league again. The night before Super Bowl XXXIII Atlanta Falcons safety Eugene Robinson was arrested for the solicitation of prostitution. Robinson tried to get a female undercover cop (who was posing as a prostitute) to have sex with him for $40. This was right after Robinson had just left a banquet in which he recieved the Bart Starr Award for his "high moral character." In the week leading up to Super Bowl XXXVII Oakland Raiders Center Barret Robbins went missing. The Super Bowl was in San Diego. Robbins ended up going to Tijuana, Mexico where he overdosed on drugs and alcohol and ended up in a hostpital. In all three cases those teams lost the Super Bowl. For Robbins and Wilson they would never play a down in the NFL again. So the lesson is clear. With a championship on the line just stay in the hotel room. Wait until after the championship to either party to celebrate the win, or drink away the misery of losing. This rule can also apply to playoff runs as well. This rule works for playoffs as well. Last baseball season the Detroit Tigers lost a three game lead in the AL Central Division race with four games to play to the Minnesota Twins. During this time Tigers best player, 1B Miguel Cabrera, "allegedly" got into an altercation with his wife, and (this part is factually true) had a blood alcohol level of .26, three times the legal limit. This proved to be a big distraction for the Tigers, and in the end the Twins won the AL Central Division in a 1 game playoff against the Tigers, and the Tigers were out of the playoffs. So with playoff births, playoff wins, or championships on the line stay at home, stay at the hotel room, and don't go out.
Rule 24: When it Doubt Ask WWTBD or WWDJD
WWTBD = What Would Tom Brady Do
WWDJD = What Would Derek Jeter Do
You don't have to like one or both of these athletes. But the fact is both these guys go out regularly and are never in trouble for it. Now it certainly helps that both are champions. But so are Big Ben and Tiger. What seperates Jeter and Brady from those two and many other athletes is the class that they bring. These two athletes follow rule #10 to a tee. They are keen to not do anything to damage their character. So if you are at the club, at the casino, at the crib, wherever and you are in a bind just think to yourself What Would Tom Brady Do and/or What Would Derek Jeter Do. If you believe those two would NOT do what you are thinking about doing than, plain and simply, don't do it. You will be happy with your decision.
Follow the lead of Tom Brady and Derek Jeter.
Do not follow the lead of Tiger Woods and Ben Roethlisberger.
Rule 25: And Above All WRAP IT UP!!!If you are only going to follow two rules than make them be rule #1 and this rule. Look your a professional athlete, and married or not chances are you are going to sleep with many different women. I'm not here to judge that, but I am here to say that for God's sake wear a condom!!! Don't trust what a woman says. Half of them are in it to try to be a "Baby Mama." Just ask Shawn Kemp who is rumored to have anywhere from 7-15 different kids with many different women. Or Travis Henry who has 9 different kids with 9 different women, and is now in jail because he failed to pay child support. Or Antonio Cromartie who has 7 different kids in 5 different states, and who the Jets recently gave him an extra $500,000, in his trade from the Chargers, to help pay for the child support. So the message is clear. WRAP IT UP!!!
Shawn Kemp, Travis Henry, and Antonio Cromartie know all to well about baby mamas!
Bonus Rule: Beware of Technology!!!
No matter where you are (whether it'd be your home, hotel, bar, car, wherever) be aware of the technology people around you have. With video, twitter, facebook, blogs, and pictures all available at people fingertips do not think for a second people won't try to capture you in a bad light. This is what Jerry Jones learned the hard way. As did Michael Phelps with his bong hit in a buddy's apartment in South Carolina. If you twitter, know that if you tweet something stupid you will get heat from the media, your team, and your league. Also be aware that if you send a text message it could go public. Just ask Tiger Woods with all his various sex text messages. So athletes be aware of what people have on them to capture you looking bad.
Phelps your on candid camera!
Kofod
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