The latest NFL Draft Diary ever

I know it took a few weeks, but I have a job.

Kofod, Hung-Low, Smoothy Smith and myself all watched the draft together and this is a collection of our thoughts during the first round.

7:33 - NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell steps to the podium. Kofod comments that Keyshawn Johnson and Cris Carter are both not present. I comment that Goodell must have suspended them from the draft for being horrible analysts.

7:36 - Sam Bradford is on the phone. It's on. Bradford to Rams, no surprise there. I'm not a huge Bradford fan though. Seems like a good guy, but shoulder problems usually spell disaster unless you are Drew Brees.

7:42 - Kofod: "How funny would it be if Detroit took Dez Bryant. If Matt Millen was there they would." Probably true, but now Millen is working at ESPN where he can no longer beat Lions fans over the head with bad moves and losing records.

7:43 - Ndamukong Suh is on the phone, he is going to Detroit. (After it was all said and done I liked what the Lions did. They will win six games this year including one against the Bills.)

7:48 - New Coors Light commercial with Ditka. Not bad. Ditka always makes decent commercials. My favorite is the one with Snoop.

7:49 - Gerald McCoy on the phone. He's going to Tampa Bay. They needed him. I comment that I have never seen them show the players on the phone minutes before the pick is made this often. Kofod disagrees. I know they always show the guys on the phone, but not before the pick is even in.

7:52 - The pick is finally in. I think ESPN is jumping the gun showing the players on the phone three minutes before the pick is in. Will someone back me up on the this?

7:58 - No phone preview. Who is it? Goodell announces Trent "Silverback" Williams to the Redskins. Kofod: "Whats up with the nickname?" I was thinking the same thing. Silverback? Really? I'm not a fan of this pick. Russell Okung is way better and he is still available. Plus Williams is the third Oklahoma Sooner selected so far. Dave Gardner AKA Gardy, a friend of mine from college and avid Bills fan texts me "The NFL didn't get that memo that Oklahoma was fucking terrible last year." Couldn't have said it better myself.

8:05 - Eric Berry is on the phone. ESPN had the microphone on him turned on and it sounds like Berry said "I'm gonna make that cheese". His accent is so thick I can't tell if that's what he said or if he said "I'm going to the Chiefs." Either way its true.

8:07 - Goodell announces Berry to the Chiefs. No kidding.

8:09 - A video is shown and the Chiefs are doing the warchant. Kofod almost has an aneurysm and starts yelling about how that belongs to Florida State. It actually belongs to the Native American's, who Florida State stole it from in the first place. Deal with it Fod.

8:10 - Adam Schefter basically says that Okung was gifted to Seattle because the Redskins blew it. The Seahawks need a running back I am hoping they take Spiller now and Okung will by some miracle falls to Buffalo.

8:13 - Dammit!! Okung is on the phone. Congrats Seattle, the only player I really wanted for the Bills is now gone. (Plus Goodell almost murdered his name.)

8:20 - A camera at Tim Tebow's house shows the stud on the phone. WTF? Smoothy Smith chimes in "He's probably on the phone with his virgin girlfriend. I don't want that virgin playing for me. If he plays for the Bills I will bring a sign that says 'Go home virgin'." Yes that is your first Smoothy Smith random thought. There will be plenty more to come. Hung-Low jumps in saying "We don't want your kind in here". Taylor: "He was the biggest star in college football for three years and he is a virgin. He probably has a tiny dick." I'm not loving the Tebow hate, but that exchange was hilarious.

8:22 - Browns select Joe Haden at 7??? Wow...the Browns went and got that franchise Cornerback they so desperately needed. I like Haden because he is a Florida guy, but at seven when Cleveland has a ton of other concerns to address, I'm not so sure. For a top-ten pick he better be a Darrelle Revis type in the next two years.

8:25 - Gardy via text message asks me who I want the Bills to take. I really only wanted Okung, but based on who is available I say I like Rolando McClain, or maybe Brian Buluga, Anthony Davis or a DE. I hate the number nine pick. Why couldn't the Bills have just lost to the Colts to end the year.

8:26 - Raiders are up. Who is it? It has to be something ridiculous. Tebow? Dez Bryant? Patrick Robinson?

8:28 - The Raiders select......Rolando McClain. Dammit it. A decent pick from Oakland I'm shocked. Kofod: "He will never succeed there. No one can."

8:29 - The Bills could use a smart, hard-working linebacker in the 3-4, but he's gone. NOW they are on the clock!

8:30 - The room is silent.

8:31 - Goodell is at the podium.

8:31.25 - And the Bills select...C.J. Spiller running back Clemson. What? That came out of left field. This means Lynch has to be gone before the season right? I'm not sure how feel about this pick, Kofod, Hung-low and Smoothy all like it. I like Spiller and he has tremendous upside, but it didn't address a need. Then again I'm not sure who I would have went with at 9. I think I like it. Gardy texts me "The Bills have 50 5'10'' athletes who can return punts and kicks." This is true, but if he becomes 70 percent of a Chris Johnson type that would be worth it. He is a bit of a softy though from what I've seen.

8:37 - The pressure is gone. The Bills have picked for tonight and I can guarantee they won't trade up because Ralph Wilson's middle name is Cheap. Look it up if you don't believe me. Now it is time to relax and hope some other teams blow the draft.

8:38 - Jaguars select Tyson Alualu. Wow that was perplexing. At Ten? Maybe they are doing a sign and trade with Oakland.

8:42 - First trade of the night. San Fransisco trades up to take Anthony Davis. Hung-low says. "No work ethic, weight problems, but all the right tools. Sounds like Mike Williams."
C-Hop a 49ers fan texts me that he likes the pick. In his words. "He will play right tackle, not left tackle. He has an explosive running back, who gets stuffed at the line more than any other back in the league." Humm.... It will prolly work out.

8:50 - San Diego takes Ryan Mathews running back Fresno State. Kofod actually called it when it happen. Trust me I wouldn't want to give him any credit. Oh and when I hear the last name Mattews or Mathews or Mat Hues I always think of Boy Meets World. Great show back in the day. Topanga (Corey the main character's GF was pretty hot, but had some weight issues before using Nutrisystem check the pics.

8:52 - Philly moves up Denver moves down and Kofod makes the call of the night! But more on that later. Eagles take Brandon Graham.

8:58 - Earl Thomas is selected by Seattle. There is not much conversation happening until.... Smooty Smith delivers another RANDOM THOUGHT!
Smoothy, "Where would you have your draft party (if you were a player like how Tebow was at his house)?"

Everyone looks at him thinking.

Smoothy before anyone answers, "I'd have mine at Old Main and when I got drafted I would puke all over and yell BEERS ON ME."

I would go to that draft party.

9:07 - That ridiculous Taco Bell commercial with Owen from One Tree Hill runs. (That show has jumped the shark something fierce by the way.)
An argument starts about how much Owen from OTH makes. I said probably 80 grand a year with guest appearances etc. Everyone thought that was a little low, but I have no way to find out so screw it. Moving on.

9:11 - The Giants are on the clock and I expect Boo's for whoever they pick. Jason Pierre-Paul is the choice. Only some half-hearted boos from the drunk fans. I hadn't heard much about him until about a week before the draft and McShay said it could be a bust. Drew Rosenhaus' face shows up next to Pierre-Paul. No WONDER he snuck up the boards last minute. I am thinking bust right now. Rosenhaus is a great agent, but he can kill a franchise.

9:20 - Derrick Morgan to Tennessee, he will help them.

9:23 - San Fran takes Mike Iupati, Guard, Idaho. Frank Gore's fantasy value is going up.

9:28 - Some little kid announces Mike Pouncey, Center, Florida.

9:31 - Atlanta take Sean Weatherspoon.

9:37 - Kareem Jackson CB to the Texans.
The question gets asked. Who goes first, Clausen, Tebow or McCoy. At this point I am convinced it is Tebow, but who will it be.

9:40 - TE Jermaine Gresham from Oklahoma to the Bengals. The Sooners are dominating this draft. Gresham was fantastic, but a bad knee is risky. This gives Carson Palmer a red zone weapon, which I think hurts Ochocinco's fantasy value. By the way should we call him Ochocinco. We should be calling him Chad Johnson because he made this claim and failed to back it up.

9:42 - One of my favorite columnists, Bill Simmons wants the Pats to take Dez Bryant (whom I love) here. I hope that doesn't happen. New England trades the pick away and Denver takes....Demaryius Thomas WR, Georgia Tech. Wow with Dez on the board I don't know if you can pass him up for another receiver, must be McDaniels is scared of Bryant's personality.

9:51 - Brian "Baby" Buluga goes to the Packers, that will make the best fantasy quarterback even better next year and no it is not Peyton Manning, Drew Brees or Tom Brady.

9:52 - New England trades down again and the Cowboys steal Dez Bryant. Great fit for him. He is the number three option and that will take the pressure off of him. If Romo stays healthy that offense could be nasty next year.

10:02 - Ravens trade to the Broncos and the christ child himself Tim Tebow comes off the board. First quarterback selected. I swear to Tebow's god that Kofod called this the first time Denver traded down. He said that Denver would take him and he was right.

10:17 - Dam Williams, DT goes to the Cards. Then Smooty Smith makes another RANDOM COMMENT (and perhaps the most racist comment of the night)
Smoothy "Ooooh a big black guy let's see his momma. I bet she's biiig."

10:22 - On ESPN's bottom line Bills Key Departures is running and I catch Rich Incognito out of the corner of my key. WOW. The 2010 Bills are going to be something special folks.

10:24 - New England takes Devin McCourty, CB, Rutgers. They need corners, but I think there are better players available.

10:30 - Dolphins are up I am thinking Jerry Hughes, but they went with Jared Odrick instead. I love it. Odrick is from Penn State and as Aaron Maybin can attest players from Penn State (and the Big 10 in general) have had little to no impact in the last five years if you look at them collectively. (I'd say since maybe Lavar Arrington.) If anyone says Paul Posluzny is good I will fight you. How he has such a high Madden rating is beyond me.

10:37 - Smoothy asks the question, "Would you rather be a millionaire and a virgin or poor and not a virgin?" (in reference to Tebow I think) A heated debate starts and the fundamentals of what it truly means to be a virgin are being tossed around. Smoothy insists that you can get dome. If this is the case then yes he would rather be a virgin millionaire. Hung-Low points out that you could simply get married. (This in my opinion is a cop of in terms of the argument, but a valid point) Smoothy declares he is going to Vegas and that ends it.
(By the way being that I am poor and not a virgin I would definitely choose to be a virgin millionaire.)

Oh and by the way the Jets' defense got even better because they selected Kyle Wilson CB Boise to help Revis just beast receivers off the line. They will probably win the division.

10:41 - Erin Andrews come on the screen and Smoothy immediately yells "Show your t*ts!" like he is at a Sunny's wet T-Shirt contest. Then, Jenn Brown comes on the air.
Best discussion of the night starts. Ding, ding, ding, Jenn Brown vs. Erin Andrews straight up!
Hung-low says Brown right out of the gate and Kofod looks as if someone called his mother ugly.
"NOOO Way," Kofod retorts."She has a huge forehead."
This goes on for awhile and I begin thinking that being a millionaire virgin might not be all its cracked up to be.
Smoothy jumps in on the Brown-wagon because she has DSL's.
I can't decide for the life of me. I like them both. What do you think? This matchup has to be in next year's tournament.

10:46 - Jahvid Best goes to Detroit. Likely to be a good fantasy sleeper. (Whoops shouldn't have given that one away).

10:53 - The Colts get Jerry Hughes a perfect fit in their scheme.

10:58 - The defending champs take Patrick Robinson CB Florida State and Drew Brees is going to be on the cover off Madden a bad, bad omen for next year's Saint's team. Kofod would like to add that Robinson sucks and gets burnt constantly. Even in the highlight they showed for him they had to use interceptions from two years ago.

That concluded Round 1 and the Bills would go on to not draft McCoy, Clausen, Terrence Cody or Kindle, who were all still hanging around. They went strictly defense in the next two rounds.

I will probably never do a running diary of a NFL draft again, unless it is live, because this is going to be a fairly boring read hope you used it for some bathroom reading.

Kinney