NBA Playoffs First Round Breakdown

It's almost playoff time in the NBA and it's time to predict who wins round one and why.

 The East is up first, because well...it's more top heavy and just easier to predict.

Cavaliers v. Chicago
One team has Lebron, one team doesn't. The Bulls are like a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest, they don't stand a chance. Get the brooms out. Cavs in four. (If the Lebrons manage to allow the Bulls to win a game I wouldn't be suprised because I do think they are a bit overrated, but if they are really the overall favorite like everyone thinks then they should sweep them.)

Boston v. Miami
The Celtics are not that great. Rondo is excellent, but the rest of the crew is old. A friend once told me Rasheed Wallace was the best trade of the offseason. I said not so fast, obviously the words "not so fast" would be a great way to describe Wallace. This sums up his season nicely. Even with that, the Heat only have Wade, and while he is great, the Celtics will win, but it will take them all seven games.

Atlanta v. Milwaukee
If the Bucks had Bogut it would be a different story. Without him the Hawks win easy, five games to be precise.

Orlando v. Charlotte
If you want to talk about a coach he doesn't get as much love as he deserves, look no further than one Larry Brown. What he has done with this Bobcats team is nothing short of remarkable. Brown takes teams with no hope and gets them to the playoffs, and he has done it for years. Unfortunately for Charlotte, Dwight Howard and the Magic are waiting for them in the first round. Had the Bobcats been one seed higher I would have had them advance because they are so tough at home. Magic in 6.

The Wild, Wild West

Lakers v. Oklahoma City
Who doesn't like Kevin Durant's game? He even has one of the best player websites in the league. However, the Zen Master, Phil Jackson did it again and alerted the league of the rarely announced fact that Durant took more free throws than anyone in the league. Expect the officials to respond (most likely by not giving Durant any calls) and tip the series one way or another. Everyone knows the NBA loves LA. Lakers in 5.

Denver v. Utah
It has been well documented that I have a man-crush on Carmelo Anthony. (Is there anything bigger than a man-crush that isn't full on homosexual? If there was, that would express my feelings for Melo.) So, my opinion on this one might be affected. The Jazz are beat up. My so called lookalike Andrei Kirlenko is hurt and Boozer is banged up so I think that any real chance Utah had is gone. (Personally I like this picture of Andrei.) Nuggets in 5.

Phoenix v. Portland
You know how Plies tries to ruin Usher's song "Hey Daddy", that's what Brandon Roy's injury does to Portland's playoff chances. Unlike Plies, Brandon Roy isn't garbage and doesn't think yelling is rapping, but either way the trails Portland is blazing will lead them right to the word Billy Madison can't spell. (Plus Phoenix is the hottest team in the NBA and not just because they are named the Suns). Suns in 5.

Dallas v. San Antonio
Does the number seven mean anything to you? That is exactly how long this beast is going. Dallas is nice, but the Spurs are good enough to draw out the series. In the end the Mavs overall talent and the Spurs age will be the difference. Mavs in 7.